Over the course of my life, there was a lot of chronic illness. As I grew up sitting in waiting rooms, I also realized that I was waiting for something in my own identity. “what we talk about when we talk about love” is about the things that we talk about when times get tough. It’s easier to talk about hospital sippy cups and green Jell-O than to talk about the emotional content of what’s actually happening. The same was true early in my transition from female to male. It was much easier for me to talk about buying and wearing a binder but much harder to describe how much those things changed my outlook about myself and my ability to be present in the world. This piece is a timeline, a catalog, and nod to waiting, to speaking, and to silences.